It's unfortunately a sad truth that some straight men just don't know how to make women feel comfortable on dates. I mean, it's not rocket science. 'Be respectful' and 'listen to them' is pretty basic, but for those who can't seem to grasp that very simple concept: 10 women took to Reddit to let guys know what they can do on dates to make them feel more comfortable. Because what some men might think is 'smooth' or 'charming' behaviour, can actually make a woman feel nervous. And rightly so.
1. Meet somewhere public
"If you're the one who chooses the location, pick somewhere public. If she chooses the location, do not throw a temper tantrum when she picks somewhere public. All too often, when a woman meets a man for a first date somewhere private, bad things can happen - and if they do, she'll be blamed for it, because, 'she should have known better'." [via]
2. Compliment the right way
"If you want to compliment her, try to stick with complimenting things that she's made a choice about. To a lot of people, 'That dress really looks amazing on you,' rings as less objectifying (and therefore less creepy) than, 'Your body is amazing'." [via]
3. Don't ask super private questions
"Ask me questions to which I can answer, and then say, 'What about you?' If it’s too private, I’ll let you know. But if you’re in doubt, just don’t ask." [via]
4. If she rejects you, move on
"Women aren't prizes to be won after ticking X amount of boxes. Nobody is here pretending like romantic rejection doesn't hurt, of course it does. You have the right to be disappointed, but you absolutely do not have the right to lash out at her, call her names, blow up her phone, demand explanation after explanation and beg for another chance. None of that shit is attractive and it's just going to confirm that she was right to reject you. Just swallow your pride, let her know you respect her wishes, wish her well, and move on." [via]
5. Listen
"Ask her questions about herself and listen to understand, not to answer." [via]
6. Respect her boundaries
"Respect her wishes and boundaries, even if you're just trying to be nice by paying the bill/accompanying her to her flat/driving her home. If she refuses your offer, don't get pushy. This is a really big one for me, because I think to myself, if you can't even respect my wishes when it would benefit you (as in, you'd have more money because you don't need to pay my share of the bill), how are you going to respect them when it doesn't benefit you?" [via]
7. Don't just make a move
"At the end of the night, if you feel like the moment is right to kiss her, then do it, but check in first. 'Can I kiss you?' or something might seem weird to ask, but it's even weirder to just move in and try to plant one on her if she's not actually that into you." [via]
8. Have an end point planned
"Have a natural end point planned out. I'm much more comfortable with a stated duration date first time out. Stops me having to find an excuse to leave if we don't click." [via]
9. Be cool with her driving herself
"Don't be surprised or offended if she opts to drive herself. Of course it is always nice to offer a ride, but personally, I would not get into a car with someone I just met, and would not necessarily want them to know where I lived." [via]
10. Take your time
"Don't tell them you love them on the first date." [via]
