How to Get Your Parents to Stop Saying No to You

Co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Last Updated: October 26, 2023 References

Do you feel like you can’t do anything right and your parents keep telling you no? For tips on improving the way you make requests and showing your parents that you’re mature and responsible so they'll start saying yes more often, read on!

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Making Better Requests

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1
Choose a good time to make a request. Don’t request if your parents are in a bad mood or are busy with something else. You want their full attention so that they hear you out and perhaps become convinced that what you want is a good idea.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Mental Health America
Non-Profit Organization

Expert Interview.} Wait until your parents appear relaxed and at ease to make your request.
- For example, don't make a request when your parents appear exhausted after a long day or more snappy than usual.
2
Make requests, not demands. Notice how you talk to your parents. Do you ask nicely for things or do you make demands? Get in the habit of asking and not telling or demanding. If you tend to demand things, your parents will likely say no. if you ask, they will feel like they have a choice and may be more likely to say yes.^{[2]
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- For example, instead of saying, “I want to go to that party” or, “Give me that popsicle,” say, “Can I please go to the party?” and, “Can I please have that popsicle?”
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3
Negotiate to get what you want. Maybe your parents said no to something but you’re willing to put in some effort to change their no to a yes. Negotiate with your parents and find a way to sweeten the deal for them. For example, if you want an item, ask them for it as an early birthday present. Or, offer to do some extra chores for a month in exchange for something you want to do with friends.^{[3]
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- When negotiating, make sure your parents know what you’re willing to give up or do extra. You want the deal to appeal to them.
4
Be polite and use good manners when making requests. You should always treat your parents with respect, and it’s especially important to do so if you’re making a request. Say what you want with a smile and be kind and well-mannered. Say your words nicely and treat your parents kindly.^{[4]
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- For example, say, “Please” and “Thank you.”
5
Make realistic requests. It may be unrealistic to make huge requests of your parents. For example, if you want them to buy you a phone or a car, or a guitar, they may not be able to make these kinds of purchases. If your goal is to get your parents to say yes, make smaller requests.
- For example, ask your parents to let you go to a friend’s house when they know your friend’s parents. To make smaller requests, ask your parents for ice cream at the grocery store or to pick up your favorite cereal.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Demonstrating Maturity to Your Parents

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Show that you’re responsible. When making a request, show that you are responsible upfront by gathering any information your parents might want. For example, if you would like to go to a party, tell them who's going to be at the party, give them other parents' phone numbers so they can check facts for themselves, and offer to set a curfew you will all be comfortable with. Your parents may be impressed with your level of responsibility.
- Give your parents a reason to say yes. Demonstrating how responsible you are can be that perfect reason.
2
Be honest with your parents. If you want something but are afraid your parents will say no, don’t hide it or do something behind their backs. Once they find out, they will be fearful that you’re hiding something and lose trust in you.^{[5]
X
Expert Source

Mental Health America
Non-Profit Organization

Expert Interview.} Be honest with your parents and don’t deceive them.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Interview. 6 October 2023.}^{[7]
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Research source}
- For example, if you want to attend a sleepover and are afraid your parents will say no, ask them anyway. While they might say no, it’s better than going and then getting in trouble later.
For example, if you say that you will pay them back that $10, do it. If you told them you'd do the dishes in return for being allowed to stay out later, do the dishes before you leave or the second you get home. If they know that you’re true to your word, they'll be more willing to say yes and trust you.
4
Be on your best behavior. If you misbehave or get into trouble often, it’s easier for parents to say no to you. If you want to make a request, lead up to the request by being on your best behavior. Do your chores on time, finish your homework, and be home when you say you’ll be home. Your parents will notice your good behavior and may be more inclined to say yes.
- If your parents have disciplined you a lot lately, hold off on making your request. Build back some trust, then try.
5
Don't nag or pester your parents. If your parents say, "I'll think about it" or "wait until tomorrow", then wait until they have had time to think about it. Avoid nagging them or constantly asking them about your request. Give them time to think about it and get back to you.
- If you think your parents may have forgotten about something, gently ask them, “Have you given any more thought to what I asked for? Do you need more time?”

Part 3

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Handling Setbacks

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Resist the urge to argue or whine. If you don’t get your way, don’t whine or complain to your parents. They will not magically change their minds and say yes. Instead, be respectful and avoid arguing with them. Your parents won’t take you seriously if you behave like a young child.^{[8]
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- Even if you’re upset with your parents, stay respectful of them.
2
Ask them to explain why they said no. Without being annoying or nagging, ask your parents why they said no and if there’s any way they might say yes. See what roadblocks stand in your way and ask if there is anything you can do differently to get what you want.^{[9]
X
Expert Source

Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
Marriage & Family Therapist

Expert Interview. 6 October 2023.}
- For example, your parents might say, “Well, your room is dirty and you haven’t cleaned the hamster’s cage this week.” You can finish your chores and then ask again.
- Really consider why they’re repeatedly saying no. Maybe it’s out of their means to give you the thing that you want, or they think your safety might be at risk.^{[10]
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  Expert Source
  
  Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC
  Marriage & Family Therapist
  
  Expert Interview. 6 October 2023.}
Sometimes parents have to struggle with things you might not be aware of, before they can give you the things you ask for. Think about what it might be like if you were working a job or two, managing bills, and trying to raise a child. You may still want the thing you’re asking for, but understanding where your parents are coming from might help you be more okay with their decision, or at least feel less angry towards them about it.
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Thank them for what they do. If they say no to something, still show your gratitude to your parents. Even if you feel disappointed, find ways to thank your parents for what they do for you. Parents love to feel appreciated, and your appreciation might go the distance the next time you ask for something.
- Skip the sulking and instead, show your parents that you can handle disappointments and still feel grateful.

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Question

I feel like I've tried everything to get my parents to stop saying no, but nothing works. What should I do?

Tasha Rube, LMSW
Licensed Master Social Worker
Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.

Tasha Rube, LMSW

Licensed Master Social Worker

Expert Answer

Try writing out your thoughts in a note or text message, as kindly and respectfully as possible. Do this when you're in a calm and positive frame of mind. It might help you say what you need to say to your parents, without yelling or doing something you might regret later on.

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Question

I really need to get my hair done for school, but I've gotten in trouble a lot lately and my parents said no. How can I change that?

Tasha Rube, LMSW
Licensed Master Social Worker
Tasha Rube is a Licensed Social Worker based in Kansas City, Kansas. Tasha is affiliated with the Dwight D. Eisenhower VA Medical Center in Leavenworth, Kansas. She received her Masters of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Missouri in 2014.

Tasha Rube, LMSW

Licensed Master Social Worker

Expert Answer

Unfortunately, your parents set guidelines and consequences as a way to keep you safe and show you how to be responsible. Don't just tell your parents you'll be better - show them! Obey their rules as much as you can and avoid getting into trouble.

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